The wait of losing the baby weight

So, today I think I had one of those “ah-ha” moments. Seriously.

Little background on me: Believe it or not I totally used to be skinny. I never really had to work at it, I just was… but I also always had hips and thighs and that seriously bothered me. So in High School I decided I had to be skinnier and blah blah, and one diet led to another and that’s where my battle with food/controlling food began. Moms… unless your daughter is seriously overweight, don’t let your little girl diet in highschool. Her body is probably exactly how it is supposed to be.

Anyway, when I got pregnant it never occurred to me that I would gain a lot of weight. I sort of thought I’d just get a belly and then I’d have the baby and lose it all in a week – cause let’s all admit it… You totally know some woman who had exactly that happen… but you know what? That’s not normal, and yay for her.

I gained 60lbs with Jude. 60. 60 FREAKING POUNDS. That’s a lot of pounds. :-)

So I had him, I lost the normal 20 ish that you lose in the first week and was left with 40lbs of stubborn weight. Then I got pregnant when Jude was only 6 months old. I had JUST started to lose some of the weight when I got pregnant. When I found out I was in the bathroom upstairs and I just cried…and cried… and cried. You want to know what my main reason for crying was? Not being at my goal weight and having to gain more. Superficial right? Here I was being blessed with another (unplanned, haha) pregnancy and I was crying about not being skinny. Definitely not the right mindset if you ask me.

Anyway, I gained about 30 with this pregnancy and was right back up to where I was when I had Jude. FUN.

So here I am now, with Jude who is 2 and a half and Joelle who is almost 16 months and I still have 15lbs to go. Not too bad, and in all honesty I haven’t done much of anything. Walks here and there, gym here and there, eating super well here and there… nothing consistent.

The thing is the feeling of being “fat” has been with me EVERY SINGLE DAY since I had Jude. I just can’t shake it. My body is so different and I don’t see the number I want to see. It’s become an obsession that I think about at least 5 times a day.

Anyway, I obviously love my children more than life itself. There is no doubt about that… but today… I was thinking about how I really should start going to the gym, and then finishing that thought with “Brooke, why didn’t you just go to the gym when she was 6 weeks old… you could be done with it” and so on…

Then I looked at Joelle, and I looked at Jude who was sitting right next to me. He looked at me, because he noticed me doing the creepy mama stare and just said “hi mama” in his sweet two year old raspy voice. Joelle then squeezed onto my arm and let out a sweet giggle-ish squeak. My heart sank – in the good way. God lifted this WEIGHT off of me. I looked at them and felt consumed and the words kept flooding my head that they were worth it.  They were worth every pound. Every stretch mark. Every grey hair. Every sleepless night. Every new cellulite dimple. Every emotional breakdown I have because sometimes it’s just too much. They. ARE. Worth. It.

It’s not that I didn’t know this before… because I did. But I finally came to an extra realization of it today and I couldn’t be more blessed. I couldn’t be more honored to be a mama of two.

 

Here is a photo my friend Elise took a few weeks go. I so love my family. I don’t care if I’m not 125lbs. Who cares. Honestly, who really cares. :-) This is definitely a good thing to overcome.

 

Mamas: You are ALL beautiful. Look at what God has given to you! You do more than anyone else I know, and you all do it with grace. I’m always in awe of this role that we have. Ya’ll look GOOD. :-)

 

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  • Duffy - Brooke, you are skinny, and this was a fantastic read. When did you start a blog? :P Looks like theres two writers in the family!

  • Sarah - LOVE! Exactly how I’ve felt. And even though I still have 15lbs to lose also.. they are SO worth it. Thank you Jesus for our blessings.

    Love you

  • Paloma - Brooke, you know I think you’re stunning, like STUNNING, even at your heaviest. But this was a great post and great perspective. And heck, if for every time you weren’t at the gym you hugged one of your littles, then what a blessing, ya know? They are so lucky to have you as their HOT mama, but more importantly as their mama who loves them, their dad, and most importantly God. Love you!

  • Ester - wow … this gave me goosebumps and all! Great words and something i did need right now :) x x

  • Tabitha - What a beautiful, heartfelt piece! I’m so happy that you have peace about where you are right now; God has filled you with a beauty as a mother that starts on the inside and works its way out. It just radiates from you Brooke, whenever I see you! :)
    <3
    P.S. This was also really good to read for me…one who has worried about how it doesn't take much for me to lose weight currently, but knowing how much I want kids and dread the pregnancy pounds. You are an encouragement and inspiration! :)

  • Melissa - Wonderful words Brooke-
    I know exactly how you feel, I lost some then plateaued back up a bit due to the new job, but if someone said ‘would you trade the happiness for the weight?’ Hell NO! My life is so much more blessed and happy.
    I am a woman, I dont have some androgynous figure and probably never will… I am a mother, a woman. Im me. Also I love wearing things that make me feel beautiful, not skinny, beautiful.
    With 3 daughters now it my duty to teach them to love every part of what will be an ever evolving body, we change everyday, every month, every year. We have to learn to love who we are today.

  • Sara Stewart - This hits home for me! I’m in the same boat with 15 lbs to go but I wouldn’t trade it for the world :)
    Thank u for writing this!

  • Kim - 1 Peter 3:4
    Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

    Proverbs 31:10-31

    The Message (MSG)
    Hymn to a Good Wife
    10-31 A good woman is hard to find,
    and worth far more than diamonds.
    Her husband trusts her without reserve,
    and never has reason to regret it.
    Never spiteful, she treats him generously
    all her life long.
    She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
    and enjoys knitting and sewing.
    She’s like a trading ship that sails to faraway places
    and brings back exotic surprises.
    She’s up before dawn, preparing breakfast
    for her family and organizing her day.
    She looks over a field and buys it,
    then, with money she’s put aside, plants a garden.
    First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
    rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
    She senses the worth of her work,
    is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
    She’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
    diligent in homemaking.
    She’s quick to assist anyone in need,
    reaches out to help the poor.
    She doesn’t worry about her family when it snows;
    their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
    She makes her own clothing,
    and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
    Her husband is greatly respected
    when he deliberates with the city fathers.
    She designs gowns and sells them,
    brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
    Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
    and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
    When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
    and she always says it kindly.
    She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
    and keeps them all busy and productive.
    Her children respect and bless her;
    her husband joins in with words of praise:
    “Many women have done wonderful things,
    but you’ve outclassed them all!”
    Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
    The woman to be admired and praised
    is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
    Give her everything she deserves!
    Festoon her life with praises!

  • Jeff - OK I’ll be the first guy to ring in on this unbelieveably well written post. I can’t comment on having children since that isn’t in my makeup, but I can comment on the FEELING of fat. I’ve always been really active and now that I’ve hit my mid thirties I am seeing my body change some and it drives me crazy. I wish I had a viewpoint of it like you do. I love that you can feel like the few extra pounds are worth it, because they are. Your children are such wonderful little people. They are more then the gym, more then a diet. They are everything and putting time in them will reap far more moments of joy then losing 15 pounds ever could.

  • Dallas - You look amazing and your family looks amazing. It makes me sick.