January 12, 2010.
The night before I hardly slept. I knew I was being induced the next morning. I would finally meet this little person. I would finally hold him and begin a beautiful relationship. I would become a mom, and Sean would become a father. Our lives would change… drastically.
Labor was easy, considering what I had mentally prepared myself for. I realize I was extremely blessed. There were no complications, the epidural was the greatest EVER (seriously) and soon enough there he was. It wasn’t like what I had imagined. I wasn’t sure how I felt. Tired mostly. That overwhelming sensation of love came later. I knew I loved him, of course… it was just different than I expected.
We left the hospital the next day. I just wanted to be home, in my room, my bed, my own space. The first night home was harder than I expected. I was so beyond tired that I felt a little crazy. He cried. A lot. Sean and I cried… and I cried some more. Then it happened. I just fell in love. This little bundle that looked up at me had literally stolen my heart. He’d curl his lip and start screaming all I wanted to do was make him better. Of course I had no idea what to do. So we all grew and learned together, as a family. We began to speak his language and he began to understand ours.
January 12, 2011
I’m writing this birthday post late because today has been crazy. Jude is teething and getting over a cold AND a fever and needless to say he’s miserable. He’s been crying all day, and the saddest little thing you’ve ever seen. He’s having a hard time sleeping because of his teeth and he’s overtired and just doesn’t know what to do with himself. So here we are, a year later. I’m in bed with a screaming baby and all I can think about is how much I love him and that he means the absolute world to me. I’m thinking that this year has gone so fast and yet so slow. I’m thinking that he’s changed so much and so little. I’m thinking I love him so much more now than I ever thought I could, and I can’t wait for everyday to pass and for that love to continue to grow.
Here is a little note for you, Jude.
Happy birthday, little nugget. I love you more than words can say. Truly. I really do. Even when you scream at me, poop on me, hit me in the face, pee on me, throw your food on the ground or try to pull stuff off of the shelves at the grocery store. :-)
You are truly the best gift. I’m always humbled and grateful that God chose me to be your mommy. I’ve learned more from you than I have in my 23 years before you. Thank you for teaching me to love deeper, to cherish more, to trust more, to enjoy moments more, to think less about my needs, to give more, to push a little harder, to not complain, to work through being tired, to appreciate the quite moments and of course, to take more photographs. :-)
I love you Jude Lawrence McDougal. You have touched my heart.
… and of course a few photos :-)